


love you so much that i have to let you go

by frangipanis



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, M/M, Short, shortfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 09:58:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15628254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frangipanis/pseuds/frangipanis
Summary: Jaemin somehow feels so out of love and Renjun is trying to heal.





	love you so much that i have to let you go

Jaemin wished he can turn back time when everything was wonderful, wished the pieces of his broken heart are easy to mend, but, God he really wished he was okay. He had no clue when he suddenly feels so out of love, how he is incapable of loving someone, more than his egoistical self. He is trying so hard for the past three years to somehow fix, change or even tweak it until it was okay again. Until they are perfect. But they just weren’t.

It’s been a week since their breakup, Jaemin found himself sitting on the floor with his back pressed up to his bedroom’s door, knees curled up to his chest and his head drooping low.

It was his decision to breakup with Renjun. But why is he so broken? He told him that night, he was incapable of loving him back as he used to. Said he will always love him, but it’s not the same anymore.

Renjun was crying, dragging his arm, begging him not to go. Jaemin’s heart cracks while he gently trying to untangle Renjun’s arm that’s been clinging onto him for dear life. He quickly left after Renjun gave up his arms. Leaving the apartment he used to spend most of his days in.

On his way home, where the train is empty, he wiped his unshed tears. He really wished he can fix Renjun’s heart, fix what he had broke, but, it’s not his job anymore. He’s nobody to Renjun now. And that hurts. He felt like a monster.

-*-

Renjun should have known, with the way Jaemin doesn’t say “I love you” before he goes off to class anymore like he always did, not missing a day. Renjun would wake up and Jaemin would be preparing his favorite breakfast. Renjun would come up to him and wrap his arms around his back.

Jaemin would grin and turn around and say, “I love you” while kissing his temple and go on back to cooking before he left for class. But now, Jaemin leaves with a smile on his face, a wave, and a promise to see Renjun later. And Renjun always wishing for the “I love you”’s that never come back. Perhaps, he is a whole fool for dangling into a hopeless rope. But, he loves Jaemin so much.

 

_“You deserve better,” he said. “I’m incapable of loving you as you do to me. You deserve so much better, Renjun.”_

 

It’s been a month after they broke up. He rarely smiles now and he almost never laugh at the constant teasing Donghyuck always throw during lunch. His friends know that they are not together anymore, they always trying to stir the topic away from mentioning ‘him’ ever again. Knowing that, hurts so much.

Sometimes, he broke down and cried without realizing and Mark was so worried, he called Donghyuck along with Jeno to comfort him. They huddle up in public place while holding Renjun closer. The warmth radiating from the embrace they give him, calmed him down. He couldn’t be more thankful to have his best friends with him.

-*-

Jaemin might have been imagining it, but he knew that Jeno probably hates him now. He know that he would pick Renjun than him. He ruined everything. No one wants to befriend him ever since that day. He has no friends in this school, the reasons why he did was because Renjun introduced him to them, but he longer has no one now.

Maybe, he made the wrong decision. But, he rather not to hurt Renjun anymore than he already is. To make it even easier for Renjun, he decided to get a fresh new start and leave the school. He is leaving Seoul and decided to go abroad in two weeks after exam weeks are over. He wished Renjun’s well and find someone new, someone better than him.

-*-

Renjun is getting better now, way better. It’s been three months since that horrible day and it’s not as hurting as before. But, these days he realized the school atmosphere has changed. He never see Jaemin ever again for a whole month, he is curious, tho he know feeding his curiosity would bring everything he tried to shove under a rug to go back and drown him. So, he let it be this time. And asked his friends another day.

 

Donghyuck dropped the bomb a few days after, telling him that Jaemin has left the country. And that’s how it ends, he guesses. No longer seeing him anymore would help him heal his heart and perhaps moving on. 

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired after listening to Midnight Train by Sam Smith on repeat. It's very short because this idea suddenly came up to me, if I'm inspired.. mayhaps I would write a proper ending where they are both healing, but like for now, I will leave it at that. Thank you for reading. If there is mistakes please don't hesitate to tell me in comments since this is unbeta-ed, other than that. Drop your kudos uwu


End file.
